


The In-between

by zoldnoveny



Category: Naruto
Genre: First Kiss, Gay Male Character, M/M, Sharing a Bed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-02
Updated: 2019-06-02
Packaged: 2020-04-06 20:31:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,288
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19070128
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zoldnoveny/pseuds/zoldnoveny
Summary: Gai reaches for the covers and shuffles them overtop him - Kakashi grabs at the blanket and tugs it over his shoulders, burrows further into the bed like a puppy. Gai looks at his covered back for a moment, and then ducks away to unravel his bedroll on the floor.“What’re you doing?” Kakashi slurs from behind him.





	The In-between

**Author's Note:**

> sharing the bed is such a good trope.. and I love the idea of young awkward kakagai. So :)

They’ve fought six enemy nin in the splintering ice, and Kakashi is clearly exhausted. He droops with sloped shoulders and a bowed head, blending right into the landscape with his lightning shock hair and heavy pale parka. Breath fogs the air beyond where his mouth must sit under his mask. 

 

Blood dapples the snow, looking especially vibrant and gruesome before the graying dusk sky. Kakashi wobbles as he walks, and when Gai goes to offer up a shoulder for him to to lean on, he gives a particularly repellent glare. Even with just one eye, it is intense. But Gai does not back down.   
  
Kakashi always does this. Overexerts himself, burns himself to the limit. Gai can admire his single minded determination and allegiance to his cause, but finds it silly that he always refuses help.    
  
“Rival.” He insists. “I mean no offense, but you are barely keeping yourself upright! It is obvious you are exhausted. Please, let me help you.”   
  
“It’s fine.” Kakashi’s voice is tight, stretched taut and thin. But he wavers, tips in Gai’s direction on unsteady feet.    
  
Gai steps in to catch him halfway. He doesn’t fall, but sort of crumbles into Gai’s side with something like relief. He’s still holding most of his weight, so he isn’t very heavy, and Gai internally urges him to let go of all that pride. Kakashi has known him long enough to be beyond that - at least, Gai’s always thought so.    
  
“Whatever,” Kakashi sighs. “You asked for it.” His hair tickles Gai’s cheek, breath hot through the shocking cold.      
  
Gai curses his rival’s monolithic pride - his refusal to accept assistance - but cannot say he, himself is much different. It’s true, as Shinobi and as men, they are hesitant to show vulnerability. Gai has never shied away from expressing emotion, but he does often find himself hesitant to admit weakness. So he understands that Kakashi, who especially feels that has nothing but his pride, clings to it the way he does.   
  
But Gai wishes there was some way he could communicate that such a thing is unnecessary around him. They are Eternal Rivals, after all, and eternal means forever and without exception! Gai will never think less of Kakashi for needing more. And beyond all that, he has fought with him and against him more than enough times to know that he is especially prone to chakra exhaustion.

  
They trudge through the snow with Gai’s arm supporting Kakashi’s waist. Kakashi’s feet drag neat pathways through the white ground while he lolls against Gai’s side. In Gai’s peripheral, he sees his blinks growing heavier.    
  
“I could carry you.” He offers.   
  
“No. S’fine.” Kakashi mumbles, the words bleeding together.

 

The Land of Snow is formidable enough without the rouge missing nin making enemies of themselves. Truly, Gai is built on sweltering Konoha summers and cheery springtimes. The most cold they get back home is a particularly chilly breeze and some flurries on a good winter day. To be dispatched on a mission here is - well, an honor, of course! - but proving to be its fair share of work.   
  
The enemy they encountered are dead, though, and they are just that much closer to capturing who they need and getting that forsaken scroll -   
  
But only after they sleep for the night. Kakashi will be contributing nothing until he gets some rest, and Gai too is weary after the fight.    
  
Kakashi’s voice rumbles in his ear, and Gai turns his eyes to him as he speaks, but is met with nothing but unintelligible mumbling. He nods along to what Kakashi is saying for the sake of it, and swallows his amusement as to not offend him.   
  
Walking the way to the nearest town is quiet save for the crunch of their footsteps. Gai does not feel his usual urge to fill the silence, and Kakashi does not seem willing to carry on a conversation, anyway.    
  
In all of the missions Gai has been on with Kakashi, this is the first where it is just the two of them. He is used to the tradition of the three or four man squad, so having only himself and his rival is a definite change. Kakashi works diligently and spares no time straying from the goal. Clearly his father’s influence - both good and bad. Gai knows a mission exists only to defend and preserve the village’s prowess, and it is no time for frivolities, but Gai usually - at least somewhat - enjoys himself. It is important to find joy and optimism in each situation, after all! But Kakashi seems to have no such ambition.   
  
That’s his rival, alright. Gai has come to expect such behavior over the years. Kakashi is stubbornly predictable.    
  
They come onto civilization eventually, and Kakashi manages to straighten himself at least a bit as they plod onto the snow packed road. Sturdy buildings line the street, dotted with lights inside each window, looking winsome and almost magical. Although Gai is not made for the cold, he can appreciate its hidden beauty.   
  
An Inn appears like a beacon of light in the distance. Gai shoulders more of Kakashi’s weight, although Kakashi grumbles in annoyance, and starts for it. A little bell above the door tinkles as he pushes inside, and the warmth of the place floods around him. At a desk in the front of the room sits a woman thumbing through a magazine, who greets them with a mild smile and a ‘hello.’

 

“If you will, a room for two for the night, please!” Gai requests with a wide grin.

 

The woman looks between them - likely taking in all the blood and grime - before meeting Gai’s gaze. “Sorry, boys,” her eyebrows knit in sympathy. “We’re all booked up. I could get you a room for one, though, if that’s alright?”

 

“Wonderful!” Gai beams. “There is no need for apologies, that is entirely acceptable. Please, accept our thanks!” He bows his head, and Kakashi lolls forward at the movement.

 

“...Alright.” She sets aside her magazine and flips open another book, marks something down, and then offers Gai a key. Gai leans Kakashi up against a nearby wall to go rifling through his pack for money, then pays the woman and thanks her once more. 

 

The information for their room as printed on a small tag hanging from the key, and Gai reads it while leading Kakashi up the stairs. Really, it would be much quicker for Gai simply to carry him, but he knows Kakashi would hate that, and he is respectful of his rival’s boundaries.

 

Once at the door, Gai unlocks it and shuffles Kakashi inside. Just as anticipated, one single bed sits solitarily in the corner. Not a problem! Gai finally relieves himself of Kakashi and lays him down on the mattress, before kneeling at his side to help him out of his boots. 

 

“I can d’that myself…” 

 

“Of course.” Gai continues to undo the laces, and Kakashi makes no move to stop him. One boot falls to the floor, followed soon by the other. Then Gai peels off wet socks. 

 

He would continue on with the rest of Kakashi’s clothes, but he knows Kakashi would protest. He does take off his parka, though, and Kakashi even helps by lifting his arms. He comes back out from under it with his blood-matted hair feathered and wild, blinking tiredly. Gai curses himself for the way his chest fills with static, and wills away the sensation. Damn Kakashi… he’s so…

 

He rolls to his side, so his back faces Gai, and folds into himself. 

 

He’s so far away.

 

Gai reaches for the covers and shuffles them overtop him - Kakashi grabs at the blanket and tugs it over his shoulders, burrows further into the bed like a puppy. Gai looks at his covered back for a moment, and then ducks away to unravel his bedroll on the floor.

 

“What’re you doing?” Kakashi slurs from behind him.

 

Gai looks over his shoulder. 

 

“I… am preparing for sleep.”

 

“On the floor?” 

 

Gai stares at the bed. He, who always has something to say, who always has a way to articulate his thoughts, finds himself struggling with a response. 

 

“Well… yes.” He decides on. It seems suitable enough.

 

“Don’t be stupid.” Kakashi shifts closer to the wall. 

 

Gai stills his hands. “Well - I -”

 

“Just get up here.” 

 

Gai nods to himself. Sharing a bed is nothing to be uncomfortable about - and it’s not that he  _ is _ \- it’s just… Kakashi is fond of his privacy, is all, and Gai wants to give him his space! He had figured that Kakashi would insist upon sleeping alone, so he hadn’t bothered in trying to convince him otherwise. 

 

On missions in the past, Gai has shared his fare share of tents, has slept shoulder to shoulder with his comrades, has woken mere inches away from sleeping faces. Nothing strengthens a bond more than sharing such intimate space with someone, and Gai has always been one to believe bonds should be nurtured! He has never shared the stress many of his fellow Shinobi suffer from when they must do so. After facing combat with someone, battling for your very life at their side, sleeping by them should be nothing! But men are fickle creatures, Gai knows, with delicate egos.

 

Kakashi - with his hesitancy to show emotion, his cool demeanor, his refusal of vulnerability - is the perfect image of a man who uses his own masculinity as a shield.

 

And yet he has just invited Gai to bed with him.

 

Gai swallows thickly. The weight of that thought hangs against him.

 

He rids himself of his own boots, and socks, and parka, standing only in his trousers and the thick sweater he had been wearing underneath. Both are damp after having been thrown into the snow during the fight, so Gai lifts the sweater over his head and is left in the undershirt. Finally, he picks up the covers and crawls into bed. 

 

The way Gai feels about Kakashi is complicated. Gai likes for things to be simple and accessible, evenly cut and easily defined. Obviously, he is not so immature to think of everything as black or white, but often finds himself distanced from gray ambiguity. Kakashi is his rival, of course, and that should be simple enough. He is a friend, but also a competitor - the one Gai relies on to be a measure of his own strength - which perhaps is unwise, but that’s how things have developed and how Gai always  _ wanted  _ them to develop.

 

As a child, a part of him resented his rival for having the things he did not. For being naturally skilled and gifted with ability, for being admired and respected. He was determined that it was going to be him to finally humble Kakashi.

 

Kakashi was a natural talent. Sharp as a blade’s edge, cool and focused, strong and cunning. To rival him seemed insurmountable - not only because Gai lagged behind, but because  _ everyone _ lagged behind in comparison to Kakashi. But Gai wanted it. He wanted to show Kakashi that those gifts of his worked just as well as Gai’s own hard work and determination. He became obsessed with proving to Kakashi that he was worthy of even being considered. He was obsessed with being good enough, and then better.

 

At some point, the obsession transformed. No matter how much stronger Gai grew, Kakashi kept himself at a distance - beyond a veil of secrecy, untouched by his peers both in ability and friendship. He hung around with his team, when they came, but never seemed to enjoy himself very much. Part of Gai had been thankful not to have been placed on a genin team with Kakashi, because that would have been exhausting. The other part of him, however, longed for it.

 

Now though, they are beyond genin teams. Gai is sixteen and he is sharing the bed with Kakashi - Kakashi who is his rival but sometimes almost his friend, maybe, in his own strange way. Kakashi who has started accepting his challenges occasionally, who is cool and unaffected, but who sometimes smiles and laughs and jokes, who is in ANBU and is distant as ever.

 

Gai is sixteen and boys his age think about girls. Girls his age think about boys. And Gai always thinks about Kakashi.

 

He isn’t a fool. He knows what that means. He knows that he has always been different, in more ways than one.

 

What he doesn’t know is how to deal with it.

 

Teenage hormones coupled with the already complicated feelings he has for his rival is a dangerous combination.

 

“I can feel you staring at me.” Kakashi’s voice breaks through the silence.

 

Gai startles, realizes he’d zoned out, and shakes his head as to jolt himself out it. “My apologies, rival. It was not my intention to make you uncomfortable, I simply - ”

 

“S’fine.” Kakashi has been saying that a lot tonight. “Just go to sleep already.” 

 

Gai lets out a breath he hasn’t known he was holding. The earlier fight wore him out, but aftershocks of adrenaline keep him from being tired. He is hyperaware of Kakashi trying to rest so close to him, and tries to lay entirely still as to not disturb him. He squeezes his eyes shut, too, for good measure.

 

He lays there like that for some time, urging sleep to come. Finally, weariness tickles at the edge of his awareness, and he feels the heaviness of unconsciousness close around him. 

 

That’s when Kakashi rolls back over and looks at him. Gai opens his eyes and waits for them to adjust to the dark, Kakashi’s face fading into visibility. 

 

“Don’t say anything.” Kakashi murmurs, and he tugs down his mask.

 

Gai’s breath catches in his throat and something rockets through him. A buzz of electricity, a shock of warmth. Gai has never -  _ no one _ has ever… Gai is terrible at remembering faces, but he wills himself to remember this one. High cheekbones and a long nose, a neat, narrow mouth with sharp teeth glinting dimly beyond his lips - and, oh, a thrill races through Gai at the sight of that. And the little beauty mask dotting Kakashi’s chin. And the look in Kakashi’s eye, heavily lidded and hidden beneath pale lashes.

 

“Kakashi, what - ”

 

“I said don’t say anything.” Gai feels those words as an exhale across his lips, and suddenly Kakashi is closing in on him.

 

There’s a hand on his jaw. And a mouth on his. He blinks rapidly and goes cross eyed trying to look at Kakashi, before finally relaxing into it. He can feel his heartbeat in his ears, which are no doubt burning bright red. Kakashi’s lips are dry and cracked from the cold, but smothered by the wet heat of his tongue, which presses delicately past Gai’s teeth. 

 

Gai’s brow furrows in concentration as he lifts a hand to settle on Kakashi’s back, between his jutting shoulder blades. There is some shifting, and suddenly Kakashi is leaning above him, face tipped down as he  _ kisses _ , and kisses, and Gai can’t seem to find where his thoughts have been scattered. Gai figured - and he  _ had _ figured, before - that Kakashi would be a sort of quick and sharp kisser, but he is languid, searching. Meticulous, in a way. Gai brings his arm around Kakashi's shoulders, grips him against his chest, tilts his jaw into it, feels Kakashi’s lips and tongue and the edges of his pointed teeth, his hot breath. 

 

His heart is racing. Something warm and tight coils at the base of his spine, stretches into the pit of his gut, and he feels like he’s teetering on the edge of  _ something,  _ some looming precipice, and he doesn’t know if he wants to keep his balance or go tumbling. 

 

He curls his tongue against Kakashi’s and Kakashi gasps unevenly into his mouth, and it hits Gai square in the chest - Kakashi is skin and sinew and flesh and bone and he moans when he’s kissed like that; he is real and hanging over Gai and pressing against him, and Gai has wanted him for so long he can’t remember anything before him.

 

There’s a small wet sound as Kakashi pulls away, and Gai struggles for a moment to open his eyes. He watches Kakashi cover his face back up, racking his brain for something to say. 

 

“G’night.” Kakashi tells him, and he turns back around.

 

Gai stares at the ceiling. And stares. And stares. He brings his fingers up to his lips, which are still tingling, and touches them lightly. Beside him, Kakashi’s breathing has already evened and smoothed in sleep. Gai isn’t sure what to think… was that the sort of thing he can blame on chakra exhaustion? Why now, of all times? Just - why?

 

His first kiss…

 

He turns his head and looks at the lump Kakashi makes beneath the blankets.

 

In this moment he’s never wanted to be closer to or further from him. 

 

His pulse still races.

 

Kakashi just… He really just…!

 

_ Kissed _ him.

 

Gai moves onto his side so his back is parallel to Kakashi’s, and he presses his knuckles to his mouth, trying to quiet the blood roaring in his ears. His skin is heated, and he can feel that telltale pull of arousal in his stomach. Damned teenage hormones! Damned Kakashi, really… Gah! What’s the difference, anyway? 

 

It’s aggravating how unaffected Kakashi is. He’s sleeping! Meanwhile, Gai feels like he won’t be able to calm down until he runs a couple hundred laps. But that’s always how it’s been, hasn’t it? Kakashi is cool and indifferent, Gai energetic and spirited. No matter how diligently Gai works to match his rival, they’ll always be different on that fundamental level. He doesn’t think there’s anything  _ wrong  _ with the way he is, or the way Kakashi is, that’s not it, it’s only that… they're so different. Kakashi is so different, Gai doesn’t think he’ll ever really understand him. Not like this.

 

* * *

 

Gai wakes up without ever remembering having fallen asleep. White light streams in through the blinds, bright where it reflects off the snow outside. It paints the room in gentle gold, everything softened around the edges. At some point last night, it seems that Gai and Kakashi have turned over to face each other, and Gai has no choice but to look at him, and remember. One of Kakashi’s arms is overlapping his, palm up and long fingers curled, a sharp wrist with jutting tendons, forearm thick with wiry muscles. Gai remembers the feel of that hand over his cheek, holding him there, and those slender fingers against his skin. He wants to reach for it and hold it in his own, wants to kiss Kakashi once more despite their sour morning breath. He never wants Kakashi to wake up, so he can live in this moment forever.

 

Instead, Kakashi’s eye flutters open. And, oh, Gai realizes how  _ close _ they are - he’s kind of crowded Kakashi up against the wall and now they’re just a hair’s breadth away, which makes his stomach roll.

 

“What?” Kakashi raises a brow so it disappears beneath his mop of hair.

 

“Huh? What?”

 

“You’re staring at me again.”

 

“Of course I am! What else is there to look at?”

 

“Hmm.” Kakashi’s eye squeezes shut and his nose crinkles, before his mouth opens wide under his mask and he yawns. He settles back into the pillow, tucks his hand beneath his cheek, and shuffles onto his stomach. “Five more minutes.” He requests, although Gai hadn’t said anything about getting up.

 

“Rival!” Gai pulls himself into sitting position, yanking the covers from Kakashi’s shoulders with the force of his movement. “Now is the perfect time to wake up and face the day! We mustn’t waste a single precious moment of youth! Our mission remains incomplete, and it is our duty as honorable Shinobi of the leaf to fight diligently until our goals are realized!” He clenches a fist, feeling ignited with fervor by his own words.

 

Kakashi groans out what may be a protest, rolling over until his face is completely hidden. 

 

Foregoing any previous appreciation for personal space or boundaries, Gai leans down until he is level with Kakashi’s ear, and bellows “The time for rest is over!”

 

There’s a rustling as Kakashi turns himself to his back, staring up at Gai with a sleep heavy eye. “Are you ever quiet?”

 

“No!” Gai grins. “My youthful enthusiasm requires an adequate level of volume as to properly communicate my fiery passion!”

 

“...Right.” Kakashi scrubs a hand through his hair, then drags it down his face. 

 

It’s easy for things to fall back in place. There’s still that strange churning in Gai’s gut that he’s not sure will go away anytime soon, but at least it isn’t  _ awkward _ . Does that mean it wouldn’t be strange for them to kiss again? Or does it mean it will, even more so? Does it matter? Well, obviously it does, but is that going to happen? Is that a thing that happens now?

 

“Move, would you? You’re in my way.” Kakashi jolts him from his thoughts.

 

Gai does as he’s told and Kakashi shuffles over to the edge of the mattress, pulling himself up to slump over to his discarded clothing. His back bends as he leans down to gather his things, and Gai decides then that the best course of action is to simply ask. He’s got nothing to be ashamed of - it is perfectly normal for two men of their age to partake in the forays of youth together, and although Gai may not understand his rival, he’s not too embarrassed by his ignorance to quell his curiosity.

 

“Why did you kiss me last night, Kakashi?”

 

Kakashi sits back down on the edge of the bed with a thump and begins to roll on his socks. He’s silent for a moment. “Because I wanted to.”

 

Well, naturally! But Gai had been aiming for a more detailed answer. Regardless, he pushes on. “And… if I may ask, how long have you wanted to?” 

 

Kakashi shrugs and moves to his other foot. He moves slowly and lazily - a stark contrast to his precise quickness in battle. “I dunno.”

 

Such a hip and aloof answer! Gai should have seen it coming.

 

“Don’t tell me this is when you say you’re flattered but you don’t like guys, because you didn’t seem that put off at the time.” Kakashi continues, peering at Gai through his hair.

 

“Nothing of the sort!” Gai insists. He realizes that although he had been the one to insist on getting up, he has yet to start getting ready. Immediately, he bounds up and goes to do so. “I am homosexual.” He adds at second thought, just for the sake of it. 

 

Although this is information he has known for quite a long time, now is the first time it has been spoken aloud. Gai typically - and proudly -considers himself a man without shame, and it’s not that he’s  _ ashamed _ now, he simply… acknowledges that he is different. That there is stigma. Shinobi are meant to be strong and capable - the very embodiment of hot-blooded manliness - which Gai considers himself - but many people would find a gay man to be inherently unable to meet such qualifications. Obviously, this is an incorrect assumption, but it is the general belief that exists and Gai must find a way to accommodate that. So now, as he says his truth, he feels a jolt of coldness seep through him, a coiling tightness in his chest. 

 

“Yeah, I thought so.” Kakashi is now lacing up his boots. He seems unimpressed as ever as he reaches for his parka. 

 

Gai laughs, tension easing away. He feels joyfully light.

 

The idea of Kakashi wanting to kiss him (for an unknown amount of time) is admittedly quite enticing. Gai wonders, does Kakashi often think of him? Do his thoughts drift to Gai when they have nowhere else to go? Does he indulge himself in hypotheticals and fantasies? How many times before has Kakashi wanted to kiss him, but held back? 

 

Beyond Gai’s own unsteady and overpowering feelings, he must admit his ego is stroked. Kakashi, the prodigy, the ever-talented and untouched, wanting him, of all people. There is a sweet sort of irony to that.

 

But there is the question - who’s to say Kakashi really  _ does  _ want him? Perhaps he only kissed Gai on a whim. Perhaps he found Gai suitable enough, but nothing more. Perhaps he will never think about last night, ever again.

 

For some unknowable reason, Gai does not think that is the case. Kakashi is too… careful for that sort of thing.

 

Gai thinks.

 

Gai sits back down on the bed’s edge. Kakashi’s gaze wanders leisurely to his, and he cocks a brow expectantly, as if to will Gai on. Gai takes it, and reaches for the collar of his shirt. Draws him in. Feels his hot exhale against his lips. Swallows it up. Kisses him again.

 

An arm is draped around his shoulders, loose and light, and Kakashi tips his face up. He is still wearing his mask, but the fabric is thin enough to be warm and damp where his mouth splits open. 

 

The rhythm from before is found once more. Gai pulls Kakashi in, presses against him, feels him there.

 

Kakashi separates soon after, blinking lazily. Gai is transfixed by the tired expression he wears; the lowered brow, the heavily lidded eye.

 

He thinks about leaning in again… 

 

But doesn’t.

 

“Let us be off!” Gai thunders. “The day is still young! We should get a head start and leave now!”

 

After withdrawing his arm from Gai’s neck, Kakashi scratches at the side of his head. “Sure.”


End file.
